We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
