i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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