Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
