Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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