Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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