No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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