Those balls look pretty dangerous.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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