Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
