he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
