Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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