I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
