I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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