so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
