I think my fart just growled at me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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