i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
