Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
