idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
