apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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