Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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