Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
