Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
