My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Randomize
