let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
