Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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