4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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