Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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