You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
