remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
