at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
