you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
