Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
