Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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