Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
