he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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