I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
