A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
