ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
