This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My penis needs a shock collar
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
