I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
only you would photoshop your dick
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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