member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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