my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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