I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
