Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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