Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
