I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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