Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
