she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
