Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
