Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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