It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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