My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
