C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
