How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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