Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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