i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
