I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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