her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
