dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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