dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
