My brain says no but my pants say off.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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