I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
