I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
