If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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