My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
