i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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