Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
