Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
