tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
