I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
