discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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