Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
