The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
