He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
