Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
