So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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