All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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