I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
