The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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