he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
