it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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